Meet the Gang
|Sweet biscuits and gravy! Welcome to the Pooch Café! Come on in, sniff around get up on the couch, have a little drinky from the toilet. Kick back and discuss such weighty issues as projectile barking, the mailman menace, Picasso’s gray period, and the great Catapult–All–Cats–Into–The–Sun Project.
|PONCHO has been spending a lot more time at POOCH CAFE since The Day His Life Went Down The Tubes, or so he refers to the day his beloved master got married to a Cat Person and they moved into a house ripe with feline infestation. This new female is a threat to the sacred bond between a man and his dog. Now his master is sleeping with the enemy, while PONCHO has to sleep on the floor.|
|CHAZZ didn’t quite get the dog he was expecting with PONCHO, and vice versa. Chazz likes camping, biking, playing fetch, while Poncho’s more interested in keeping the couch warm till it’s time for dinner. CHAZZ pushes PONCHO to tap into his inner dog, little realizing that PONCHO’S inner dog wears a clown suit and rides a unicycle.|
|CARMEN is CHAZZ’s new wife. She treats PONCHO pretty good, but that really doesn’t matter because she’s a cat person and therefore a force of pure evil. Her cats are all pure evil too, lifeless lumps of fur that all look alike from a dog’s perspective. PONCHO is certain they’re plotting some heinous criminal takeover, but he can’t figure out what it is because unfortunately he doesn’t speak cat.|
|BOOMER is PONCHO’s best dog buddy. He’s been around a bit longer than PONCHO and knows some of the ins and outs, but his brain is small and spring-loaded, often sending him into hyperactive rants. And when he gets a few cups of coffee in him, look out. Still, he knows all the best places to eat in the area — a sort of a restaurateur’s guide to fine dumpster dining — and his plans for a giant catapult with which to launch all felines into orbit has got the dog community buzzing.|
HUDSON A wealthy yet humble purebred. Much to the delight of the other dogs, his over-training has rendered him incapable of resisting commands.
Trapped in a world 12 inches wide, FISH is often a moral compass and dispenser of sage advice for Poncho, being surprisingly well-versed in Zen philosophy, theology, and cat lingo.
|DROOLIA is a slobbering female Bullmastiff who has no masculinity issues at all, and whose one unrelenting goal is to win Poo Poo’s unrequited love.|
|POO POO is an emasculated Bichon Frise with a pink bow in his hair and serious self-image issues.|
GUS is a scrappy little Scotty dog who talks with a Scottish accent (even though he’s from Detroit).
BEAUMONT (BOBO) The café’s owner and strict enforcer of the “No Collar, No Service” rule.